either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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