So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We got so high we made milksteak
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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