He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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