But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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