My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
