i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
