Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
