it glows. i had to have it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
