yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
