The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
