Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
