Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
