i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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