I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
