i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
