Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
