how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
