My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
