I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
