i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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