My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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