WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am naked and annoyed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
