you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
