Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
