No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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