why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
