he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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