The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
