So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
3 2 1 whiskey
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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