She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize