I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
