i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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