Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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