okay pat passed out under dana's car
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
