So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
