Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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