you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Watching her eat just hurts me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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