last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
