Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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