I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I want her autograph on my taint
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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