Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
