Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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