I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize