two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize