Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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