Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
