I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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