yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
