God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
