sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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