I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
