Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
