Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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