I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
