chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
