dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
