Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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