I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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