Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
