Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
