Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
