My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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