gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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