Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
