I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize