A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You can't special order awesome
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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