I'm jealous of your bromance
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
