he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
