just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
