If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
