I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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