I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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