every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize