Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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