do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
