im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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