Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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