i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
