Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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