i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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