Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
