how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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