hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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