Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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