You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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