Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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