Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
