we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
