I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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