I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
