Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
