well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
