I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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