dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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