Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
