i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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