Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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