So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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