I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just found puke in my bra..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
