I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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