Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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