I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
