That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
