Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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